Yet another dumb way to cover your assets.

Remember the Backtacular? The silly-looking bedazzled patch made to cover your ass crack in low-waited pants? Well apparently ridiculous crack-camouflage is a growth industry. I give you the Hip-T:

Image courtesy of

In case you think your eyes are deceiving you, yes, that is a band of fabric made to do nothing but sit around your waist and look like you’re wearing a tank top underneath your shirt. To which I ask… why not just wear a tank top underneath your shirt? Most retailers make nice long tank tops now – I have a long waist and I own plenty that are more than long enough for me. And all of those tank tops cost less than the $14.95-19.95 that they want for the “Hip-T.” $20 for a band of useless fabric! For the price of two of these things, you could get a pair of jeans that covers your ass! (I’m sorry, Hip-T calls it “bum cleavage.” I guess that’s better than calling it a “coin slot.”)

I really just don’t understand why there’s a market for overpriced items like this. This one is especially confusing – what keeps it from riding up? Or just bunching itself up into a rumpled sloppy belt? What’s the point of paying money for a glorified ace bandage to mummify your middle? I have to agree with the folks at Refinery 29 who covered this before me: you’re better off just buying pants that cover you. Or invest in a few long tank tops for layering.

6 responses to “Yet another dumb way to cover your assets.

  1. This is indeed a crack spat, which although it sounds horrible (and is on another level) is in no way suggestive.

    Plumbers however should likely look into it.

  2. Wow….just wow.
    On one hand, SO STUPID.
    On the other, I’d rather see this thing than someone’s crack.
    The lesser of two evils, I suppose.

  3. You have to give some props to the people who came up with this…and get people to buy it! It’s one thing to come up with a stupid idea over drinks, it’s another to get it marketed and to make money.

    That said, a cure cami is much better.

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