Ladies, you do not need this.

The fashion world is full of genius little innovations that make our lives easier. I’m talking those little stick-on treads for shoes with slippery soles, bra strap extenders, those cool towel turbans that button on so you can actually move your head, etc. I’ve even come to find the Snuggie brilliant for sleeping with a fresh manicure, because I can keep my arms warm without risking sheet marks on my shiny new nails. (So thanks for the Snuggie, Mom!)

But some products are really just stupid.

For example, I give you the Backtacular:

The Backtacular is a patch, bedazzled with little crystals, designed to cover your ass crack (they’re calling it a “coin slot,” but let’s not get euphemistic now) when you’re wearing low-rise jeans.

Here’s my question: if you’re so modest where said crack is concerned, why are you wearing jeans that will show it off in the first place? Maybe this product is just a lower back tattoo for the commitment-phobic, but even then they make better looking removable tattoos that cost less than $15. That’s right, $15. For a sticky patch covered in fake crystals that goes on your ass.

I might understand if the actual patch was flesh-toned. Then it might just look like a newish take on the vajazzling trend. But the patch is black and quite obvious, so I just don’t see the point.

Ladies, if you think you need to throw down $15 on a sparkly ass patch, please reconsider. Instead I suggest putting that money aside for a pair of pants that will cover your assets in a less ridiculous way.

3 responses to “Ladies, you do not need this.

  1. You just don’t understand, man! It’s a youth thing, man! It’s about expression! And being ourselves! And . . .

    Fuck, I can’t even keep that up as parody. That is miraculously stupid.

  2. Do they make a Plumber’s version in Denim?

  3. Pingback: Yet another dumb way to cover your assets. « A La Mode

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